The Art of Inclusive Listening: How Curious Leaders Create Belonging

Theodore Roosevelt once said, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” This wisdom sits at the heart of inclusive leadership, reminding us that our effectiveness isn’t measured by our expertise alone, but by our genuine curiosity about the people we lead.

As inclusive leaders, we face a fundamental challenge: we’re not mind readers. Yet too often, we fall into the trap of assuming we understand our team members’ perspectives, needs, and preferences without actually asking them. This overconfidence in our ability to read others can lead to well-intentioned but misguided decisions that miss the mark entirely.

From Guesswork to Genuine Understanding

Research shows that even when we’re explicitly asked to put ourselves in others’ shoes, we tend to make incorrect assumptions, projecting our own preferences onto other people. As my Brazilian nonviolent communications teacher Zoe Dorey often says, “If we struggle to grasp what’s truly happening within ourselves, how can we expect to accurately understand what’s in other people’s minds?”

The solution isn’t to become better guessers – it’s to become better journalists. Dr. Nicholas Epley, an American behavioural scientist, explains it perfectly: “Becoming really good at interpersonal understanding doesn’t require becoming a better guesser, it requires becoming a better journalist. Learning how to put people in a situation where they can answer questions you pose to them directly, honestly, and openly. That’s the key.”

This shift from assumption to inquiry is transformative for inclusive leaders. Instead of operating on guesswork, we create space for authentic dialogue. We move from telling people what we think they need to asking them what they actually need.

The Foundation of Inclusive Culture: Deep Listening

Creating an inclusive culture requires a listening culture. This might sound obvious, but it’s harder than it appears. When we ask people questions and don’t pay attention to what they say, they won’t say it again. When we ask for opinions but never take them into account or explain why we’re discarding them, people stop sharing.

True inclusive listening isn’t about perfecting our body language or mastering active listening techniques like nodding and paraphrasing. It’s about genuinely focusing 100% on what people are saying. When we do it authentically, we don’t need to show that we’re doing it – it naturally shows up.

This is challenging, especially given the constant distractions we face. A leader once confided to me that when certain team members spoke, he automatically switched off. If this resonates with you, you’re not alone. I personally tend to daydream while people speak, but I try to catch myself and come back to the conversation. It’s almost a mindfulness practice.

Inclusive listening involves several key elements:

Giving people airtime without interrupting. This creates a space where people feel seen and heard, which can be incredibly empowering. In a world where everyone is rushing to make their point, the gift of uninterrupted time to speak is profound.

Listening to understand first, not to agree or reply. How can we be present if we’re already thinking about what to say next? This requires discipline and practice, but it’s essential for building genuine connections.

Listening equitably. Because of our biases, particularly affinity biases, we tend to listen more to people similar to us or closer to the dominant prototypes. As inclusive leaders, we must consciously ensure we’re giving equal attention to all voices.

Showing appreciation when people share their thoughts. This is particularly important when people take interpersonal risks by being vulnerable. Recognition encourages continued openness.

Listening to our own biases and judgements. We need to notice the voice in our head that’s making assumptions or judgements, so we can move beyond them to truly hear what’s being said.

Inviting Perspectives with Powerful Questions

To invite other people’s perspectives, we can use simple yet powerful questions that either go broad (screening for blind spots) or deep (finding out more) on a topic.

To go broad, we might ask: “Have we covered everything?” “Does anyone have a different perspective?” “What would be the dissenting point of view?” These questions signal that we genuinely want to hear alternative viewpoints.

To go deep, we can ask: “What leads you to think that?” “Can you give me an example?” These questions show we’re not just collecting opinions but genuinely trying to understand the reasoning behind them.

I had a line manager who always said at the end of her meetings, “Am I missing anything?” Invariably, someone would speak up with interesting remarks at this point. The American Workplace culture consultant Julie Kratz suggests replacing “Do you have any questions?” with “What questions do you have?” This subtle shift assumes people do have questions, making it easier for them to speak up.

We can also introduce the “dissenter role” on a rotating basis during meetings, normalising the sharing of challenging or different perspectives. This creates psychological safety around disagreement and ensures we’re not falling into groupthink.

However, there’s a crucial caveat: we must refrain from asking questions mechanically or if we’re not truly interested in the answers. Hypocrisy is very damaging for inclusion. I remember a senior leader in the consultancy industry in France who always asked the audience questions at the end of her presentations, but she was clearly annoyed and dismissive when anyone actually asked questions. This behaviour sends a message that questions aren’t really welcome, despite the invitation.

Leveraging Onboarding

When we approach our team members with genuine curiosity, we create an environment where people feel valued for who they are, not just what they do.

During onboarding, we can share our preferences and ask new hires about theirs. The Polish inclusion consultant Dora Mołodyńska-Küntzel suggests asking, “Is there anything you’d like to share about your background or experiences that can help me better understand your perspective and needs?”

The American leadership consultant Tara Jaye Frank proposes powerful questions like: “What does inclusion look like for you? When have you felt most included? What were the circumstances? When have you felt excluded? What were the circumstances?” These questions help us understand inclusion from each person’s unique perspective.

It’s also crucial to ask by default which accommodations new team members need to perform their best, as many disabilities are invisible. And even with visible differences, only the person knows what’s best for them.

Creating Connection Through Inquiry

One-to-ones are perfect opportunities for check-ins. We can ask: “What are you up against?” “What are your concerns?” “What support do you need in this moment?” “How can I help overcome any challenges or barriers you’re facing at work?” “What would increase your sense of belonging?”

During team meetings, we can create dynamics that help team members know each other better and support each other. We can talk openly about our challengers and energisers, or use icebreakers like the “Weather report” to describe our mood (sunny, rainy, cloudy, breezy, etc.).

These practices might seem simple, but they’re powerful tools for building inclusive cultures. They signal that we care about people as whole human beings, not just as employees. They create space for authenticity and vulnerability, which are essential for psychological safety and belonging.

The art of inclusive listening isn’t just about gathering information – it’s about building relationships, creating trust, and demonstrating that every voice matters. When we approach others with genuine curiosity and create space for authentic dialogue, we unlock the full potential of our teams.

Thanks for reading – Let’s keep shining the inclusion light together! ✨

***

This is the final piece of a three-part series on how to create psychological safety. It’s an excerpt adapted from my upcoming book, Practising Inclusive Leadership.

✨ Curious about my Inclusive Leadership Online Programme for HR professionals or my Train-the-Trainer Retreat in Cyprus? Click HERE to register your interest, get the full details, and enjoy early-bird access.