Delivering Constructive Feedback Equitably: Navigating the Paradoxes of Inclusive Leadership

“Fair feedback isn’t giving everyone the same. It’s giving everyone what they need to grow—free from bias.”

Constructive feedback is one of the most powerful tools we have as leaders for driving growth and development. Yet it’s also one of the most challenging aspects of inclusive leadership, riddled with paradoxes and potential pitfalls that can undermine our best intentions.

When we examine how bias influences our feedback practices, we discover something fascinating and troubling: our biases don’t just push us in one direction. Instead, they create contradictory patterns that can harm people in different ways, sometimes simultaneously.

The Four Paradoxes of Biased Feedback

Our biases influence how we offer constructive feedback in four different and sometimes paradoxical ways, each presenting unique challenges for inclusive leadership.

Paradox 1: Heightened Criticism

We tend to be more critical of people who are different from us and members of undervalued groups. This heightened scrutiny can manifest as:

• Focusing disproportionately on minor errors or style differences
• Applying different standards to similar behaviours
• Attributing negative intentions to actions that we might interpret neutrally from others
• Providing feedback that’s more about conformity than performance

When we catch ourselves being particularly critical, we need to pause and ask: “Is this feedback really about this person’s performance, or about the stereotypes I hold about their group?” “Would I give this feedback if this person had a different identity?” “Is this feedback about helping this person improve, or about making them assimilate to group norms?”

As leadership expert Ruchika Tulshyan suggests, whenever we see a behaviour as unprofessional, we should pause and ask ourselves: “Is this just different, or is it actually ineffective?”

Paradox 2: Benevolent Withholding

At the opposite extreme, we might withhold constructive feedback from people we consider vulnerable. This benevolence bias often affects employees with known disabilities, people going through mental health challenges, and sometimes women.

I remember a senior marketing leader in Belgium who confided that he hated giving women constructive feedback because he didn’t know how to deal with their emotional reactions. With the best of intentions, he was robbing women on his team of opportunities to develop and grow.

This protective instinct, whilst well-meaning, can be deeply harmful. It denies people the feedback they need to improve and can create a patronising dynamic that undermines their professional development.

Paradox 3: Vague and Unhelpful Feedback

We tend to give people from underrepresented groups vaguer, shorter, and less concrete feedback. A report by linguistics-focused software company Textio found that Black women are nine times more likely to receive non-actionable feedback at work.

Women in general tend to receive more feedback about their style (“You need to be more confident” or “You come across as too aggressive”), whilst men tend to receive more feedback about specific behaviours (“You need to prepare more thoroughly for client meetings” or “You should delegate more effectively”).

This disparity means that some people receive feedback they can actually act upon, whilst others receive feedback that’s frustratingly vague and difficult to implement.

Paradox 4: Fear-Based Silence

Sometimes we withhold constructive feedback for fear of being perceived as biased. I recall an instance at a Dutch supply chain facility where one of the few managers from an ethnic minority background seemed to lack managerial skills and needed coaching. His line manager was aware of the situation but was reluctant to address it for fear of being accused of racism.

This fear-based silence doesn’t protect anyone. Instead, it prevents people from receiving the feedback they need to grow and succeed.

Understanding Feedback Sensitivity

Before we can deliver constructive feedback equitably, we need to understand that people vary enormously in their sensitivity to feedback. Individuals can vary up to three thousand percent in terms of how far they swing emotionally and how long it takes them to recover from feedback.

Some of us love feedback and see it as a gift. Others find it deeply uncomfortable and prefer to avoid it. Some think feedback isn’t a big deal, whilst others feel both hopeful and fearful when feedback is mentioned.

Sensitivity levels can also be influenced by cultural norms. Germans, for instance, tend to be more direct, whilst the British tend to be more indirect. Generational differences also play a role – younger individuals often prefer constant feedback whilst work is in progress, whilst older individuals might prefer less frequent feedback once projects are completed.

The Adaptation Imperative

Being an inclusive leader means adapting to these differences and treating people as they’d like to be treated. This doesn’t mean avoiding difficult conversations or lowering our standards. It means delivering feedback in ways that people can actually receive and act upon.

We tend to give feedback in the way we like to receive it, which is a mistake. I knew a Portuguese leader who led a virtual global team in the FMCG industry. He personally didn’t need much feedback to stay motivated and associated feedback with bad news. So he assumed his team was happy by not hearing from him – no news equals good news.

The moment he asked for feedback about the way he was providing (or rather not providing) feedback to his team, he realised the negative impact he was having on engagement and performance. Most of his team members needed more coaching and regular check-ins.

Practical Strategies for Equitable Feedback

So how do we navigate these paradoxes and deliver constructive feedback equitably? Here are some practical approaches:

Ask about preferences: Don’t guess how people like to receive feedback. Ask them directly: “How much do you like getting feedback?” “Do you prefer more direct or indirect feedback?” “Do you like praise in public or private?” “How often would you like to receive feedback?”

Make it actionable: Before delivering feedback, ask yourself: “How actionable is this feedback?” Ensure you’re providing specific, concrete guidance that the person can actually implement.

Focus on impact, not style: Instead of giving feedback about someone’s communication style or personality, focus on the impact of their actions and behaviours. This makes feedback more objective and actionable.

Check your motives: Before giving feedback, honestly assess whether you’re trying to help the person improve or simply make them more like you. There’s a difference between development and conformity.

Be consistent: Pay attention to whether you’re applying the same standards to everyone. Are you more critical of some people than others? Are you more protective of certain team members?

Address the whole person: Don’t assume that someone’s identity makes them more or less capable of handling feedback. Treat everyone as capable of growth and development.

The Feedback Conversation Framework

When delivering constructive feedback, consider using this framework:

1. Set the context: Explain why you’re having the conversation and what you hope to achieve.
2. Be specific: Describe the specific behaviour or situation you observed, not your interpretation of it.
3. Explain the impact: Help the person understand the effect of their actions on others, projects, or outcomes.
4. Listen actively: Give the person space to respond, ask questions, and share their perspective.
5. Collaborate on solutions: Work together to identify ways to address the issue and support their development.
6. Follow up: Check in regularly to see how they’re progressing and offer additional support.

Creating Psychological Safety

None of this works without psychological safety. People need to feel safe to receive feedback, ask questions, and even push back when they disagree. This means:

• Acknowledging our own fallibility and willingness to be wrong
• Encouraging questions and dialogue rather than one-way communication
• Focusing on learning and growth rather than judgment
• Demonstrating that we value the person regardless of their current performance

The Continuous Journey

Delivering constructive feedback equitably is an ongoing practice, not a skill we master once and then apply automatically. It requires continuous self-reflection, regular check-ins with our team members, and a willingness to adjust our approach based on what we learn.

We must pay close attention to both the feedback we give and the feedback we hold back. We need to notice our patterns and challenge our assumptions. Most importantly, we need to remember that the goal isn’t to give everyone identical feedback, but to ensure that everyone receives the feedback they need to grow and succeed.

As inclusive leaders, we have a responsibility to help everyone on our team develop their potential. This means being willing to have difficult conversations, deliver challenging feedback, and support people through their growth journey – regardless of their identity or background.

The paradoxes of feedback remind us that inclusion isn’t simple or straightforward. It requires nuance, thoughtfulness, and a commitment to treating each person as an individual whilst remaining aware of systemic patterns and biases.

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This article is adapted from my upcoming book “Practising Inclusive Leadership – 10 Habits to Bring Out the Best in Everyone, You Included.”